So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
