He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize