In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
