I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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