I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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