We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
