i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
