there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
