don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Two words: blizzard sex
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
