Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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