Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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