remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
