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I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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