I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
