It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
