DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
