you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
