I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
