You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
