he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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