he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
