she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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