there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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