So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
