do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
