You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
