the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
