In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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