She's JV to your varsity
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
