he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
