Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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