I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
