i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
