i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
