Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you didnt know i had herpes?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
