Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
