Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize