Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
