O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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