Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I wish i was in the wii world.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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