we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
