Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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