you guys were way drunker than both of me
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
