Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
