my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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