I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
