Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
