Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
