I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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