I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
