bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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