I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
