uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Randomize