Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
