things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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