i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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