I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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