I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize