Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
She said her name was "party"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
