well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Four minutes until I can fart!
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize