SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
the condom got lost in my hair
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
