he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We talked him into tasing himself.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
