I wannas sexs uuuuu
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just found a bag of teeth...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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