I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
